Her Body is not a Bio-Hazard
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She is My Granddaughter!!
Some may not agree, some may say its morbid, but I say it is my Granddaughter. Her name is Haley Marie. She struggled to come to this world but didn't quite make it to her time to enter in the proper way. She came as a small fetus that I held in the palm of my hand and got to see her unique qualities that many will never see.
Haley was born on my bathroom floor in a cold place that was unexpected, scary and dreadful for her mother. My son right by her side, Grandpa right outside the door. I was arriving home from work that afternoon. Grandpa picked up Haley and placed her in a soft cloth and handed her to me. She was so little and delicate but I knew right away that she was my Grandbaby. At the ER they wanted to know where the bio-hazard was, if it was brought with and the development of the bio-hazard. I just wanted to scream" THAT'S THEIR BABY AND MY GRANDBABY, NOT A BIO-HAZARD!!!"
My daughter-in-law had to stay a couple of days due to blood loss and emergency surgery, I made arrangements with the nurse to keep my precious Grandbaby from going to the bio-hazard pile. All I could see in my head was old arms and other body parts being thrown into a pile and then my Grandbaby. I had to stop them before she was tossed into the pile.
We received a call that she could be picked up, but I didn't want the kids to go through more trauma and they had already decided to cremate her. So the funeral home picked her up and cremated her for us a very small fee. The kids then placed her in heart shaped urn. She will forever be with the two of them.
Now this may sound like a lot for a very small fetus, but if you had held her in your hand she was a real baby. All that held her that evening in my family felt that she could not be just thrown away. We had to do something for this giant wound that had opened up. She had a face, arms, legs and seemed to be so perfect to us. Just a small little miracle that somehow did not make it to the end of the growing process.
We all seemed to heal a little when she was brought home in that little heart shaped urn. She was now going to be with us for the rest of our lives. This was just like it was intended. She may be my only girl that I ever have. I have all boys as of right now. I will never get to dress her in frilly dresses or color her room pink but I can hold her heart close to mine and know that I love her the same as my other Grandbabies.
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As a father of 5, my heart goe's out to you and your family. I couldn't imagine the loss you have suffered.
It's incredibly sweet what you have done for her, treasure her for ever.
Becky Katz,
Thank you, I would love another girl. I could imagine your right with all the boys around I would get the jeans and tee girl, but that would be okay with me.
dadibobs,
She is forever going to be a treasure for us in her little heart. Thank you for stopping by.
So sad. I am glad that you gave her a proper goodbye and that you and your son and daughter-in-law have decided that she will always be with you. I have two grandsons and a grandchild on the way - I could not imagine this happening. Prayers are with you and your family.
justateacher,
I am glad that we gave her the proper goodbye also, the kids are doing so much better since they did the goodbye. Good Luck with passing all that love around to those grandchildren.
It was moving and I felt emotional Leaderofmany.
Wow, that's heartbreaking. I was pregnant with twins and lost one at birth. You are happy and sad at the same time. The funeral was small, just me and my husband. THAT is what broke our marriage up. The loss and grief was too great. We both dealt with it in our own ways. The hospital made me hold my dead baby to grieve, but I almost lost it. My husband left me alone because he couldn't deal with the loss. My baby weighed 2 pounds 4 ounces. My surviving daughter weighed 4 pounds. I truly feel for you.
When you lose a twin EVERYONE always says "Well at least one survived." True, but that didn't make my pain any less real. The loss of ANY child is tremendous. Even for the grandparents. I don't care what anyone says.
It will get better, I can't promise it will never hurt, because it always will, but you will learn to cope and the pain will lessen with time. Good Luck and God bless!
How sad,I am so sorry for the loss you guys had to go through.
While writing something like this out can be very helpful for one's emotions, there are more reasons than that for me to be glad you posted this hub. Please accept my condolences for your sad and painful loss, but I must also say thank you for speaking up publicly about the insensitivity that our medical community in general has come to. By doing so you have honored Haley Marie.
I know of other stories like this where grandparents intervened when young, hurting parents didn't know what else to do but go along with a hospital's methods. Some grandparents were able to simply delay decisions long enough for the parents to be able to think and/or get good counsel, and others have stepped in as you did. Perhaps your willingness to post this will help others in their time of need.
mathira
Thank you
Becky Katz Level 8 Commenter 4 months ago
This is soo beautiful and soo sad. I am glad you fought for her to have a proper cremation. I hope you get another girl, so you can have one to dress in frills and ruffles. But then they decide they don't like frills and ruffles. My girl wears jeans and t-shirts.