A Nightmare in the Morning

I awake early that morning, the house is quiet after last night's fight between mama and daddy. Mama got the worse of it again, and had left us alone with daddy who just sat in the chair while I got little brother ready for bed so not to make him mad at us. This time I saw the knife come out so I know that the fights are getting worse. Often times, little brother and I hide under the stairs to keep from seeing the fighting, I cover his ears so that he can't hear the yelling and screaming.

I soon hear the door to daddy's room open up. I hear the brush of him pushing aside the sheets that hang between the living room and kitchen. I peek out my room, all I see is the black and white tile of the kitchen, the legs to tabel, and the old coil heaters that make so much noise when they begin to heat up. Daddy must be in his old musty smelling chair. Then suddenly the footsteps are getting closer to mine and little brothers room. Little brother is still alseep on the mattress that is on the floor. I hurry back to the mattress, cover up with the ragged covers and pretend that I am sleeping. Daddy enters into the room, shakes my tiny, fragile, 4 year-old body to see if I'm awake.

I sit up next to him, he smells of aftershave and cigarettes. He has a look on his face that I don't really understand. It is somewhere between confusion and sadness. He takes my small hand into his knotted, rheumatoid diseased hands and squeezes them gently. He begins to speak but the words seem to be stuck. Little brother wiggles, but does not awake. We both look over at the tiny boy so peacefully sleeping.

Finally, the words begin to come out. My mama has run off to Florida and won't be back. She has left our family for good. She decided that she could not take the fighting any longer and had left us children with our daddy. I would never see her again.

Never see her again! How was I going to survive without a mama? How was my little brother going to be okay without a mama? Who was going to take care of us? I needed my mama, but I had to make sure that little brother was safe and taken care of right now. I was the one who had to step up without mama there.

Daddy tried his best to take care of us. It lasted for awhile. Relatives came and went with their help. Grandma had children that were still my age, so it was hard for her to come help. Daddy was left alone with a 4 year-old and 2 year-old. He was a bit lost on how to care for us. Soon the people from this place came and got us. I put a major fuss when they tried to take me away from my daddy but they said I had a new mama and daddy waiting on me.

Soon we were living in this new house and it was different than any house I had ever lived in. It had horses, cows and pigs. I liked living there for a few years. I loved the animals and the big open space. My little brother soon forgot about the other family, but I never did and I knew I would find them someday.

I did find my family. I found them in 2000. I found out that I have a younger sister. It seems that my mother was carrying her when she left. I never got a chance to remeet my father he passed away before then. I have lots of aunts and uncles on both sides of the family.

The reuion was great, everyone held open arms to the child who had been missing for more than 20 years. After the initial "glad your back" most of the family is back to their lives before I came home. We don't call, or have family get togethers.

I am very close to one of my fathers brothers who is about the same age as I am. He is the closes thing to a father I will ever have. As for my mother she is the same person that wallked out on us so many years. I can understand know how she was able to walk away from a 4-year-old and 2 year-old.

My sister and I had a rocky few years, but things are improving. We do have holiday's toghether and visit regularlly. She had a hard time growing up with our mother and I often feel very sorry for her. I hope that she is able to recover and be the person that she can be.